Facedown, my heart breaking and uncontrollable gut wrenching sobs escaping no matter how I tried to keep them in as my littles listened on in the dark of the night when we finally stumbled into bed last night. It had been a good day, a day full of hope of what was to come, new adventures anticipated and just a tiny bit of wiggle room financially for the moment. And then with just one typical evening, all that was washed away and now the future is once again uncertain.
Tonight, I lay in bed and sob again, once again in limbo with no security for my children. And it was then that I had to say “God, please take care of my family because I can’t…”
Last night, as got got ready for a week of adventure and new beginnings, two of the boys took the dogs out to the park for their nightly run. Not 10 minutes later, Gymnast comes flying in saying Milo is attacking another dog, he got out of the fence. Now you have to understand, Gymnast is a dramatic, exaggerator on the best of days that I typically know to not jump to conclusions, but this time I jumped up.
As I scrambled to get decent to run out the door in the cold evening air, Sea Cadet banged in, one hand holding Milo by the collar and one covered in blood. I didn’t stop to check on him, just flew out to see the damage.
And that was the beginning of what is our current nightmare. It turns out the dogs were both fine, the other people were fine. It was our family who will pay the cost of this night.
Sea Cadet being the hero that he is, broke up the fight with both his hands. Broken and gashed, we will have to visit a hand surgeon this week to see the next steps. (A full recovery is expected.) History Buff tripped running to help and ended up with a severe sprained ankle. And I can’t even wrap my head around what we will now need to do with my beloved dog.
Through it all there have been many blessing…fabulous neighbors who jumped to help when called, a compassionate and thorough staff at the ER and resilient talented children who just handle the roller coaster of our life with grace and a sense of humor.
But there are also some serious challenges which have made me wish I was not an adult…evidently there is an issue with the twins insurance so I had to spend every bit of money I had to get them seen and fill prescriptions. I am confident it will be fixed, but can it be fixed in time to get money we so desperately need to pay the bills back? And can it be fixed in time to get Sea Cadet into the hand doctor as I don’t have another dime? And will all this work out to allow me to attend the scheduled training for my new part time job that is to provide some income we so desperately need?
I thought the house loss of a year ago was a kick in the pants, but then we had the sudden denial of our house loan to build a home after months of planning and anticipating this summer. Add to that a sudden job loss in October after 8 years with the company, just in time for the holidays. And now this…They say when it rains it pours, but man, it seems like it has been pouring on me for literally years now!
I have no idea what will happen this week and how it will affect the immediate future. But I have to trust that God has a plan for this season in my life. I have too! The alternative isn’t even bearable to think about.
So I am praying “God use me, let others see You through me.” And more importantly today “God, please take care of my family, because I can’t!”