God, You’ve Got to because I Can’t

Facedown, my heart breaking and uncontrollable gut wrenching sobs escaping no matter how I tried to keep them in as my littles listened on in the dark of the night when we finally stumbled into bed last night.  It had been a good day, a day full of hope of what was to come, new adventures anticipated and just a tiny bit of wiggle room financially for the moment. And then with just one typical evening, all that was washed away and now the future is once again uncertain.

Tonight, I lay in bed and sob again, once again in limbo with no security for my children. And it was then that I had to say “God, please take care of my family because I can’t…”

Last night, as got got ready for a week of adventure and new beginnings, two of the boys took the dogs out to the park for their nightly run.  Not 10 minutes later, Gymnast comes flying in saying Milo is attacking another dog, he got out of the fence.  Now you have to understand, Gymnast is a dramatic, exaggerator on the best of days that I typically know to not jump to conclusions, but this time I jumped up.

As I scrambled to get decent to run out the door in the cold evening air, Sea Cadet banged in, one hand holding Milo by the collar and one covered in blood.  I didn’t stop to check on him, just flew out to see the damage.

And that was the beginning of what is our current nightmare.  It turns out the dogs were both fine, the other people were fine.  It was our family who will pay the cost of this night.

Sea Cadet being the hero that he is, broke up the fight with both his hands.  Broken and gashed, we will have to visit a hand surgeon this week to see the next steps.  (A full recovery is expected.) History Buff tripped running to help and ended up with a severe sprained ankle.  And I can’t even wrap my head around what we will now need to do with my beloved dog.

Through it all there have been many blessing…fabulous neighbors who jumped to help when called, a compassionate and thorough staff at the ER and resilient talented children who just handle the roller coaster of our life with grace and a sense of humor.

But there are also some serious challenges which have made me wish I was not an adult…evidently there is an issue with the twins insurance so I had to spend every bit of money I had to get them seen and fill prescriptions.  I am confident it will be fixed, but can it be fixed in time to get money we so desperately need to pay the bills back?  And can it be fixed in time to get Sea Cadet into the hand doctor as I don’t have another dime? And will all this work out to allow me to attend the scheduled training for my new part time job that is to provide some income we so desperately need?

I thought the house loss of a year ago was a kick in the pants, but then we had the sudden denial of our house loan to build a home after months of planning and anticipating this summer.  Add to that a sudden job loss in October after 8 years with the company, just in time for the holidays.  And now this…They say when it rains it pours, but man, it seems like it has been pouring on me for literally years now!

I have no idea what will happen this week and how it will affect the immediate future.  But I have to trust that God has a plan for this season in my life.  I have too!  The alternative isn’t even bearable to think about.

So I am praying “God use me, let others see You through me.” And more importantly today “God, please take care of my family, because I can’t!”

He can See Your Heart and Read Your Mind

Today I am over at Creating My Happiness with the lists that have kept me focused during this job transition. But I wanted to drop in and share just a brief glimpse of how God is working in our lives.

Earlier this week, I had a very brief conversation with my Dad this week just catching him up with my job search and kids, etc.  I mentioned that my big concern was getting the little kids winter jackets as they have out grown the ones they have used for the past couple of years.  I hadn’t mentioned this need to anyone else.HE CAN SEE YOUR

The next afternoon I received a message on Facebook from a woman I know from church and around the community…offering winter coats.  God answers prayers, spoken and unspoken I see examples of that daily now as I learn more and more to turn things over to Him and be aware of His work in my life.

Have you spoken to God today?  He would like to hear from you.

I am not preaching when I say that…I am praying that you do.  Because in my life, I didn’t listen, I didn’t take the time to get to know Him to listen to Him.  And because He wants my attention, He wants a relationship with me…well, I’m hard headed and He had to bring me to my knees to get it.  I don’t want that to be the case with you.  He’s waiting for you too!


Living a Life of Abundance, what a Joke or Is it?

“This is a time of abundance in your life.” Quote from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

Imagine my surprise when that was the opening statement in my morning devotional.  I about busted out laughing, and only controlled myself because the kids were still sleeping and I didn’t want to wake them.

Living a Life of AbundanceI mean, seriously!  I’ve lost my only source of income, completely run out of money and I have four children and four animals relying on my to support them.  “Time of abundance” – you’ve got to be joking, He’s got to be joking!

However, I have truly found myself craving these daily quiet times with God and His word.  Amazed at how spot on the messages I’ve been reading have applied to my life at this very moment.  It’s like this devotional book was written just for me, knowing exactly what I would be going through each day so I kept reading…and frankly you need to read this:

This is a time of abundance in your life. Your cup runneth over with blessings. After plodding uphill for many weeks, you are now traipsing through lush meadows drenched in warm sunshine. I want you to enjoy to the full this time of ease and refreshment. I delight in providing it for you.
Sometimes My children hesitate to receive My good gifts with open hands. Feelings of false guilt creep in, telling them they don’t deserve to be so richly blessed. This is nonsense-thinking, because no one deserves anything from Me. My kingdom is not about earning and deserving; it’s about believing and receiving.
When a child of Mine balks at accepting My gifts, I am deeply grieved. When you receive My abundant blessings with a grateful heart, I rejoice. My pleasure in giving and your pleasure in receiving flow together in joyous harmony.
November 12, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

My balk quickly turned into shame, which then turned into joy as I read. You see I have been struggling with a tremendous amount of shame. An overwhelming amount of shame. Having to apply for food stamps, knowing there is no way I can pay my rent next month and daily reminders of what I can no longer do for my kids.

But these daily meetings with God have turned that around me. Let me just give you a synopsis of what He has revealed to me over the last few days:

  • November 11 – It’s not by might nor by power but by His spirit – God does not provide strength based on my ‘normal’ He provides it based on my reality.  I just have to invite Him in. Deuteronomy 33:25
  • November 10 – He is ALWAYS with me.  And it’s important that no matter what is going on in my day that I keep my eyes on Him. Psalms 89: 15-16
  • November 9 – Stay in the present, He is here.  I have to give Him my troubles, as often as they come to mind. Don’t look at the future, it is already taken care of, what I see in my mind is a version without God. Deuteronomy 31:6

I could go on and on.  But I won’t because I HATE people preaching to me (I don’t mind teaching and pointing me in the right direction.)

I will end with this.  God has a purpose for each of us, but it is up to us to choose Him.  But I can guarantee you this, when you choose Him and His plan and seek His guidance, He will not forsake you.  Even in the darkest hour, even when life seems to overwhelm you, He will give you joy, He will give you peace and most importantly He will reveal himself to you.  I KNOW this, I SEE this daily as I seek His direction strive to live by faith.

My prayer…Send me, God, use me.

Why I wore Workout Clothes every day After I lost My Job

It took me all of one day to turn off work and turn on hit the floor running!  As a work from home, homeschooling mom-preneur my daily wear was lazy wear for as long as possible then throw on whatever was clean and head out the door.  I rarely wore shoes except for flip flops or slide on fuzzy boots when it was chilly.  And I was going….

That all changed the day I lost my job.  I read YEARS ago on that to be your most productive, you had to get dressed all the way to the shoes every morning when you got up.  That was my favorite tip I ever read.  She says “Shoes are a tool! and she made a point to say they must be laced up shoes for this to work.

So the morning after I lost my job, I changed my habits immediately…no more getting up and working in my PJs.  I was up, showered, breakfast cooked and dressed with my laced up shoes before the kids even saw the sun.  workout-clothes

I have been the most productive and the most joyful I think I could be in this last week as I face this job transition.  And I quickly realized that.  So while I know you are supposed to dress for the job you want, not the one you have…I’m going to be wearing my work out clothes for this time in my life.  Because frankly, I have the job I want, raising my children, teaching my children, coaching my children, now I just need to find a way to support that job.

And my laced up shoes…well, there are step one to getting me there! So this mama, mom-preneur, teacher, coach is going to be wearing her workout clothes and tennis shoes as a uniform for the time being!