Drummer Cade

Three years ago.  That’s how long it’s been since the kids and I visited my cousin in Ft. Lauderdale, and even then, it was only for a night before we left for a month long trip to Europe.  The kids were almost 3 and 4 — they were young.  But they have never stopped talking about “Jennifer with the drums” – NEVER!  So here we are again, our third stop of this trip and the drums are here.  I did take a video of them playing today and I am going to work on posting that so you can all experience the beautiful music they can play, but in the meantime . . . here’s some pictures!

Drummer Hannah

NehNehNehNeh - Cade's Temperment (self portrait)

I have decided to do a daily (crossing fingers that I can keep this going) feature of some of the kids photos from this trip.  I keep two cameras with me including one that I allow the kids to take pictures with as they wish.    Most of their pictures are, of course, abstract, but for the first time, some are getting really interesting.  So once a day I’m going to feature a picture by one of them.  Most of the time I won’t write much, just a caption on the image.  So here are some of Cade’s for the first day.  Enjoy!

YES! I pissed my sister off again, GO ME! - by Cade

There is so much going on.  There is so much I have to figure out.  And right now, the most important is my son.  He is almost five years old and I have no control.  I don’t know what to do.  I feel like such a failure, like I’ve been too trusting that he will rise to the occasion and now he does not seem to posses any sort of internal “right/wrong” meter.  Or if he does, he doesn’t acknowledge it.

Now I read over that and it sounds so horrible.  It’s not like he does anything like torture cats or anything, but it’s just a CONSTANT pushing of his sister and my buttons.  Saturday afternoon I was ready to ship him off to live with his dad, so you know he got the best of me.  When he’s corrected, his affect is always wrong.  Nothing seems to phase him.

And most of the time, if I was to punish him, I punish his sister since we do everything together.  I just don’t know what to do.  Got so desperate lately that I’ve been looking at schools for him for next year since he will be kindergarten age, but then I feel like I’m short changing him and not giving him the best.  But I just can’t imagine a full school year like this . . . ugh!

I have to come up with something that works with him, some discipline method, some activity level that keeps him calmer and something that is just his.  I cannot fail my son!

I clearly remember the days when I counted the days dragging by to the week off that always came in the spring.  My family was never one to do spring trips like so many seem to do around here, but it was time out of the classroom and pressures of school.  Now that we homeschool, it’s just another week EXCEPT for one major difference . . .

The kids will be gone every day during the week from 9am-5pm.  I am going to have 40 hours ALL TO MYSELF next week.  This will be the first time since before Hannah was born that I have had that amount of time.  I started a list of all the things I want to get done during this precious time last night. I think I’m up to 50 and it’s still growing.

They are going to Tae Kwon Do camp, which of course, Hannah is ecstatic about and Cade, well not so much.  Speaking of TKD, Hannah broke her first board tonight.  After two hours of dance (ballet and jazz) we grabbed dinner in the car and headed straight to breaking class at TKD.  She tried the hammer fist which is the basic one (and the one that her brother has already broken many boards with despite his younger age and lower belt) but well, failed on all attempts.  She is doing great during practice runs, but the fear of the pain searing through her hand continues to stop her from going full force.  But with her right snap kick – she NAILED IT!  So proud of her!

So anyways, Spring Break is just days away and while the kids really don’t know anything out of the ordinary is happening yet.  I do and I am so excited!

Yup, my last post, all lies!  Ok, maybe that’s stretching it a bit.  However, I have not once since then kept my resolve enough to get up at the crack of dawn and only once made it up before normal.  And only on that day did I leave my computer at the designated time . . . so yes, I lied!!!  Sorry.

I am by nature a night owl and have decided to resolve to accept myself just as I am.  In fact, I admitted on a phone call at 10am this morning that I was “just getting my eyes open good.”  Truth!  But here it is 1:20am and I have been working since we got home at 8:30pm, so these are productive times for me.  I just have to accept me for me.

Got to ride my new bike today.  The saying is true “it is just like riding a bike” — I don’t know how long it has been since I rode one but I picked it up like I had never put it down and LOVED it.  The wind streaming through my hair, the sense of freedom.  I am really looking forward to getting a bike rack on my car so we can go on trail rides (without the MOUNTAINS we have to ride near our house.)  Alas, it’s going to cost almost $500 to get said bike rack because my wondrous car (Honda Element) does not support the cheaper ones, unless I only had one child’s bike to take with.  (And just for the record, despite this sarcasm, I LOVE my car!  If you have ever thought about an Element I will sell you on it – not kidding!)  So for now, I will have to beg my dad in his spare time to drop us off and pick us up at bike trails in the bed of his pickup.

Cade and I also got to experience a paddle boat while Hannah was at dance.  The last time I was on one of those was back in 1997 when I first moved to Chicago.  Today it was way more AWESOME because I got to spend QT with my favorite man in the whole world and opened his eyes to a whole new experience.  Being a single mom, my alone time with each child is VERY precious (at least to me) and today’s 1 hour in that boat is definitely at the top of my list favorite time’s with Cade.  So if you have a chance, and the weather turns favorable for you, go find a little park and take your favorite person on a paddle boat ride.  Oh, and just a hint: take some bread to feed the ducks who will wander close, so close you could pet them.

That’s my update for tonight and I’m heading to bed.  Got some major work projects to work on over the next couple of days and my3rd of 10 foster care training nights.  Oooh, and have a health update since my “stroke” but will save that for another night.

Wishing you a blissful night sleep!

~hope