The last several months have been hard.  We’ve been through rampant medical issues with both the kids and myself recently.  Had some time off work that set me back a bit financially.  And just had the winter-ickies with all the unanticipated snow and cold weather.  Now don’t get me wrong, it certainly hasn’t been all bad, we’ve had some great adventures on our 3 week road trip.  Enjoyed sledding and playing in the snow here. And really came to appreciate all our blessings of plenty of food and a warm house.  But, this weekend, I personally rediscovered the joy of spending time with my kids.  And I got to put some serious thought into our lifestyle and some changes I/we need to make to improve it.

I had planned to incorporate some changes into our schedule this past Monday, but the whole “stroke scare” kind of sent everything into a tailspin.  After a week of medical visits and tests, I have decided I’m done worrying about it.  I will deal with it as much as I can and move on.  So here I am.  Ready to incorporate those changes I had thought through and now more.  So I figured the best way to hold myself accountable would be to put them out and there in cyber world and garner whatever support and accountability I can get. (Not to mention, typing them up, cements them more formally and concretely in my subconscious.)

So here goes:

1. I pulled Cade out of his MMO program this Spring because 1) we were going  to be gone and I didn’t see the need to pay for a full session and attend only half and 2) he has really shown an interest in learning to read so need to dedicate some more “school time” to him.  So beginning tomorrow, we will do 10-15 minutes every other day together on reading/writing.  Multiply that by two since they are at individual levels and seems very achievable.
2. Consciously change my sleep habits to get up earlier, goal = out of bed by 7:30am during the week.  (And according to the experts, I should try and maintain that same time or close to it on the weekends – not sold on that one yet.)  My first thought was to get up and out of the house on a walk, bike ride, something with the kids.  BUT that means, waking them up, getting them dressed, dealing with “I’m hungry” that much earlier.  So my thought is, if I could get up, throw on some workout clothes and get to my office by say 7:35am, I could get an hour or more work in before they get up, therefore, allowing me to hit the road/walk/bike with them for a 30 minute or so jaunt at that time.  I will have to tote my phone along, but I would have a headstart on my work day with no phone/kids interruptions and planned out the rest of the day too.  I think this will work.  (I’ve already set my alarm for 7:15am – wish me luck!)
3. With #2 in mind, I need to get to bed earlier, as I am definitely a night owl by nature.  So to get the designated 8 hours, I need to be in bed, lights out by 11pm at the absolute latest.  Therefore, I will start a new night routine of getting away from my computer no later than 9pm, and using the last 2 hours of my day to do something I enjoy and not something I HAVE to do (i.e. work.)  So tonight I picked up a bunch of house design magazines to start really focusing on the house design I’ve been dreaming of building for most all my adult life AND I have my scrappy space all set up and ready to go.  This will allow me to be more effective in my ME time goals and help me relax to get into bed and to sleep at a decent hour.  Oh, and I bought a journal to do as my last ritual of the night to get things out of my head that seem to be me up pondering to all hours.
4. Exercise more!  Ok, I know every woman and lots of men in America say that.  But I”m serious.  I have 100 lbs I want to lose this year.  I have changed my eating habits – given up soda, made one meal a day all raw veggies, started chugging water/grean tea and just generally getting smarter about my overall choices.  So exercise is the next step.  This was really put into perspective for me this weekend when the kids and I spent most all of Saturday outside.  The weather was perfect.  I went walking while they rode their scooters.  We then headed to the playground where I pushed them on the swing and then we played hide and seek.  IT WAS A BLAST!  And it was the first time I left my phone at home in who knows how long!  So since doing some sort of organized workout thing is not going to work for me, I am going to dedicate my weekends with the good weather coming, to being outdoors with the kids.  I am so dedicated to the idea that I went and bought a bike today.  We’re going to go trail riding (paved trails that is) as soon as I teach them how to ride without their training wheels!  And I’m really excited about it!

Ok, I think that about sums it up.  Now I look at the list and it doesn’t seem that awe-inspiring, but I feel that making these four changes in my/our daily lives will have a HUGE impact.  So it’s now 9:05pm.  I’m getting off the computer and headed to do some ME time stuff.  See ya at the crack of dawn tomorrow . . .

~hope

Like my title.  Yes, I’ve been reading my regular blogs and all their titles are eye catching and intriguing, I’m just not made that way.  I can’t come up with something witty on the fly.  My specialty is sarcasm as pretty much anyone who has ever spoken to me knows.  And yes, it does get me in trouble quite a bit as people who don’t know me, think I’m being serious and then feelings get hurt and people cry (men and women alike) and then I feel bad and then I have to apologize and explain . . . you get the drift.  And no matter how much I try to control my mouth, it just keeps running, full of sarcastic remarks.  So there you have it.  I’m sarcastic, I know it and if you don’t like it, well, get over it.

I just checked my Post list and I have almost a dozen posts that I have started and not finished over the last several weeks.  And frankly, I think I’m just going to delete them all.  This is my no holds barred place to chat about me, my life, the munchkins, my work, etc. but sometimes, somethings are just too hard to share even on this seemingly anonymous platform.  So I’m going to delete them and just start afresh now and it’s nice to be able to do that . . .

So what’s new, old and everything in between??  Well, so much has happened in the last three weeks that I’ve decided just to post highlight bullets and then do quick and detailed posts on them as I have time AND more importantly I figure out how to transfer movies from my video camera that my dad got me for Christmas to the computer.  I have finally figured out how to watch them on the TV, so step 1 done.

Here it is:

• Three weeks of travel – roadtrip style – for me and the munchkins.  When we got back Sunday night, Hannah immediately asked when we were going back and Cade wanted to know when we could stay in another hotel.  I believe both of my children have my travel bug.  And that makes me happy.
• Two days of skiing school for both kids.  I hadn’t planned on Cade going, wasn’t sure he could/would handle it well, but he shocked me and did AWESOME the first day, not so much the second.  On the other hand, Hannah is a natural and was coming down the regular slopes on the second day like a pro.  I was a super proud mommy and caught a bit of it on video – yeah!!!
• First time ice skating for both munchkins and mommy hit the ice for the first time in over 10 years.  We switched this time, Cade was a natural and went out like a relatively stable beginner.  Hannah had to use the “walkers” provided for the first day but seemed to catch on the second.  Again, caught it on video.  Now Mommy was not so hot.  While I would like to blame it on rental skates, I fear that my ankles have just weakened that much since those grueling figure skating lessons so many years ago.  My head knows what to do, but I’m not sure my ankles can comply any longer.
• Stayed in some very cozy hotels with indoor pools and the kids LOVED being able to swim with the snow falling outside.  Mommy loved the jacuzzis after the days on the road.  Several times we were “stuck” at hotels so enjoyed it even more.
• Hannah conquered the United States puzzle I had brought along to serve as our geography lesson manipulative and can easily recognize most of the states when I make them “disappear.”  She can also trace the path we travelled and has already picked several other places we need to go.
• Cade got caught on video using his favorite word these days “hate” and has since suffered the consequences at the hands of many.  He was a handful of disobedience, defiance and disrespect for the majority of the trip.  He exhausted me and made me cry.  And most of the time, I don’t know what to do with him.  But on those rare moments where he smiles up at me or cuddles up close and falls asleep (and I do mean VERY rare,) I fall in love with my little man all over again.
• Got to spend time with and meet some clients whom I had never met in person before (and some I had) and it was AWESOME.  I am so grateful that my work allows me to travel and work from the road and meet these fascinating talented people whom I have the honor of working with.
• So everyone has a story of drama on a trip.  With only one adult and two children, our drama was definitely minimal (aside from Cade’s mentioned above.)  We scheduled our time wisely. Kept plenty of medication for whatever ailed us on hand and luckily no one broke anything or came worse for the wear.  But we did have one pretty major incident.  *drum roll please*  Mommy fell down the stairs.  It was 2am the first night in Chicago at my father in laws.  Cade was walking in front of me on the stairs and mommy fell from the very top.  No I wasn’t drinking or on drugs or anything else.  And contrary to the kids’ dad, I did not do it on purpose hoping to break my neck and be paralyzed or worse dead.  But I did fall – all the way down, head first, landing on my head/neck.  And I have the bruises all over my body still to prove it.  But no other damage.  And miraculously, somehow, I did not hit Cade on my fall down.  The paramedics came, I chose not to go to the hospital and am fine.  Maybe I’ll write on this more later, but please don’t make fun of me too much

I think that sums up my bulleted points.  And I feel better to have almost completed a post now.  So I’m going to close and head out to pick up the munchkins from homeschool co-op.  We are still getting settled back in and must get some groceries in the house today before it starts snowing again *blah

More later, your black and blue friend,

~hope

Have you ever had one of those days that you knew what just going to be rocking and it quickly fell apart and there was absolutely nothing you could do about it . . . like sand crumbling through your fingers.  That was my day today.  I called the kids father last night to see if he could do some kid time today since he hadn’t done it in MONTHS and so I could get some quality work time in.  He said yes.

I was ready to go this morning.  Up and in the shower and on time.  While in the shower, said father calls and says he is running late.  Ok, so I can deal with that.  Tell him I will take them up to martial arts studio and he can pick them up there – no big deal right.  Well, I round them up, get there on time and wait for him to get there so I can give direction (and make sure he shows.)  Well, he walks in 10 minutes before class is over.  Ok, I can deal.  Just an hour of my work day gone, no biggie.

I smooch kids, tell them I will see them in a bit and rush straight home.  Big plans today, at least 3 big projects I plan to wrap up, etc.  Turn on brand spanking new computer so I can participate in my scheduled training while work on other computer . . . brilliant, I know.  Uh, oh, password to brand new computer not working – CRAP!

Ok, no worries, I’ve broken into computers before, I can do it again AND I happen to have all disks, etc. here.

See how this all started . . .

Needless to say, I spent the ENTIRE 4 hours kids were with their dad reloading the new OS that had not so much as been loaded with software yet, etc.  It was a complete and utter waste of a day.  And tomorrow is Friday, so all my wonderous work plans for today will now be pushed to tomorrow, the day I try to keep light and free.  Likes sand through my hands today . . .

On the bright side, I did participate in the workout/self defense class at Baeplex tonight while my dad graciously kept the kids.  I can already tell I’m going to be sore, but that is a good day.  The bright spot to my otherwise, not so bright day.

Goodnight!

It feels like my life has done a 180, literally, since the last time I posted here.  Not that I haven’t longed to write in the interim, but no words could capture my jumbled emotions and racing thoughts of the last several weeks.  Now life has settled back down into a semblance of normalcy or maybe a new normalcy would be a better way to put it.  Some things have changed for the better, some for the worst and I’m not quite ready to talk here about any of it.  I’m not sure I ever will be.  There are just some things, some battles that must be done in private and oftentimes on bended knee.

So many tell you don’t take life for granted, so many say, learn from my experiences, but I don’t think you really can relate to either of these until life makes you stand up and take notice.  Mine has done that of late.  All my well laid plans for my work, my kids, our lives, well, lets just say, I will learn to relax now.  Or rather I have.  I cannot do everything, be everything and solve everything . . . as much as I want to and have tried to.

So here is what I can do:

1. Do my absolute very best at everything in that moment
2. Be flexible and open to changes
3. Continue to shoot for the stars in everything but be more than happy and satisfied if sometimes I can just barely stay on my feet
4. And most importantly, listen.  Listen to the needs of my children, in everything.  Listen to the needs of my soul.  Listen to the needs of those around me.

I had planned to spend this weekend catching up on work.  Cooped up in my office, staring at my computer screen and forcing my two beloved children to do what they do several hours every workday, outside my door just waiting for mommy to be done working.

But I didn’t.  Instead, I spent all day Saturday in the company of those same two children.

• We rolled coins that we have been saving for six months so that we can take a vacation.  (We are not there yet, but hopefully by summer time, we will really get to take a vacation.)
• We did laundry, 5 loads, washed, dryed and put away at least somewhat neatly.  (Just for the record, I don’t know if it’s the boy gene or the 4 year old age, but matching socks is not going to happen yet.)
• We baked “pretzels” in the Easy Bake Oven.  (Nope, I don’t think either of them ate more than the first bit and frankly I don’t blame them.)
• We made dinner and ate it watching a cartoon movie.  (Boy will I be glad when they are old enough for at least PG/PG-13 movies.)

And without prompting, my angel son said, “this is the best day ever.”

So with that inside my head, I broke my Sunday afternoon tradition of “mommy nap time” and spent the entire afternoon with my children.  We smiled and laughed and we scampered about outside in the FREEZING cold trying not to step on cracks so Lave Girl wouldn’t spray us with lava.  We looked at EVERY SINGLE animal they have in the pet store.  And my most precious princess was able to finally fulfill her year long dream of having a DS using her very own hard earned and saved money.  No words can describe how proud of her I am or how much I enjoyed our day together today.

No matter what challenges are thrown at me.  No matter how hard and bleak life sometimes feels.  I know without a single solitary doubt that I am not alone.  I know that my kids are not alone.  And I know there is a greater plan than I could ever even imagine.

I hope if you are reading this that you know that too.  Sometimes, it’s hard to feel, to find.  Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel, well, it’s just not there.  But it is, just have faith and in the worst of times, a quick trip to the knees can make a huge difference, even if it’s just for the “peace that passes all understanding” because sometimes, nothing else makes any sense.

So much to do and so little time.  Isn’t it always this way at Christmas time.  Every year I say I’m going to start my shopping, gift making, planning early and I rarely if ever do.  This year is definitely no exception.  I have at minimum 7 presents to make for my immediate family and oh, I’m done with two and barely started on the others.  This is just insane.

The good news is that all the crazy work stuff . . . oh yeah, I’m on top of my game and ready to deliver EVERYTHING that I had due.  *doing the cabbage patch around my office

So tomorrow, I will wrap up the lose ends, drop a few notes to people and then craft like a crazy woman! Did I mention that I LOVE my craft time and that I did take a few minutes out of my night tonight to clean the clutter a bit so I am ready to get busy.  Love this time of year.

I made all my client gifts for the second year in a row, all my siblings birthday gifts and now everyone’s Christmas present.  I think I linked to this before (http://www.drlaurablog.com/2009/12/15/presents-from-the-heart/) but was too lazy to go look it up.  Do you have those hard to buy for people are your list?  Oh, let me count the ways here:

Dad – he can buy anything he wants for himself and frankly he doesn’t seem to want anything except quality time with us

Mom – she wants things but they are all so practical, definitely not what I want to give to her to show just how important and loved she is

Micah – 3 years younger than me and worlds apart in every way.  I stopped buying him presents a couple of years ago and except for the present I am making for all my siblings will continue that way. Now his son and my kids only cousin on my side of the family, he’s a different story – buy Legos.  Easy as that.

Daniel – my crazy middle child brother who is such a globe trotter who can keep up with where he is, let alone what he might want for Christmas.  It doesn’t help that I ‘ve done his birthday/Christmas/gift giving shopping for years now so all my good ideas for the others, well, he gets them (not that I’m complaining, it’s really nice to get to go shopping without worrying about spending my own money.)

Honor – working at Buffalo Wild Wings seems to be her calling for now after 4 years at different colleges, no degree and no clue as to what she wants to be when she ‘grows up.’  The saving grace here is that she does collect elephants so I can always find something cute for her.

Joseph – the spoiled rotten, very, little brother of the family.  He has more technical gadgets than I do and that’s just sad.  While I see glimpses of the man he will become, for the most part he is just a college boy and what in the world am I supposed to get him??

So you see, shopping for Christmas or any other time is way more complicated than just showing up at the mall.  So this year, with all the hoopla, I will continue to strive toward making my unique and personalized gifts and topping them off with a personal note.

So action item for you . . . don’t go buy greeting cards or ones with goofy/religious/whatever sayings printed inside where you just print your name.  Buy some cheapo paper or even use a legal pad and sit down and write.  It doesn’t have to be long, but make it from the heart.  Make it in your own handwriting.  I guarantee, there is nothing in the world your loved ones will value more than this simple, traditional note from the heart telling them what they mean to you. Take my word for it.

~hope