It feels like my life has done a 180, literally, since the last time I posted here.  Not that I haven’t longed to write in the interim, but no words could capture my jumbled emotions and racing thoughts of the last several weeks.  Now life has settled back down into a semblance of normalcy or maybe a new normalcy would be a better way to put it.  Some things have changed for the better, some for the worst and I’m not quite ready to talk here about any of it.  I’m not sure I ever will be.  There are just some things, some battles that must be done in private and oftentimes on bended knee.

So many tell you don’t take life for granted, so many say, learn from my experiences, but I don’t think you really can relate to either of these until life makes you stand up and take notice.  Mine has done that of late.  All my well laid plans for my work, my kids, our lives, well, lets just say, I will learn to relax now.  Or rather I have.  I cannot do everything, be everything and solve everything . . . as much as I want to and have tried to.

So here is what I can do:

1. Do my absolute very best at everything in that moment
2. Be flexible and open to changes
3. Continue to shoot for the stars in everything but be more than happy and satisfied if sometimes I can just barely stay on my feet
4. And most importantly, listen.  Listen to the needs of my children, in everything.  Listen to the needs of my soul.  Listen to the needs of those around me.

I had planned to spend this weekend catching up on work.  Cooped up in my office, staring at my computer screen and forcing my two beloved children to do what they do several hours every workday, outside my door just waiting for mommy to be done working.

But I didn’t.  Instead, I spent all day Saturday in the company of those same two children.

• We rolled coins that we have been saving for six months so that we can take a vacation.  (We are not there yet, but hopefully by summer time, we will really get to take a vacation.)
• We did laundry, 5 loads, washed, dryed and put away at least somewhat neatly.  (Just for the record, I don’t know if it’s the boy gene or the 4 year old age, but matching socks is not going to happen yet.)
• We baked “pretzels” in the Easy Bake Oven.  (Nope, I don’t think either of them ate more than the first bit and frankly I don’t blame them.)
• We made dinner and ate it watching a cartoon movie.  (Boy will I be glad when they are old enough for at least PG/PG-13 movies.)

And without prompting, my angel son said, “this is the best day ever.”

So with that inside my head, I broke my Sunday afternoon tradition of “mommy nap time” and spent the entire afternoon with my children.  We smiled and laughed and we scampered about outside in the FREEZING cold trying not to step on cracks so Lave Girl wouldn’t spray us with lava.  We looked at EVERY SINGLE animal they have in the pet store.  And my most precious princess was able to finally fulfill her year long dream of having a DS using her very own hard earned and saved money.  No words can describe how proud of her I am or how much I enjoyed our day together today.

No matter what challenges are thrown at me.  No matter how hard and bleak life sometimes feels.  I know without a single solitary doubt that I am not alone.  I know that my kids are not alone.  And I know there is a greater plan than I could ever even imagine.

I hope if you are reading this that you know that too.  Sometimes, it’s hard to feel, to find.  Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel, well, it’s just not there.  But it is, just have faith and in the worst of times, a quick trip to the knees can make a huge difference, even if it’s just for the “peace that passes all understanding” because sometimes, nothing else makes any sense.