Scene from Dirty Dancing

We’ve all felt it.  That quick panic, eyes darting around looking for someone we know, someone to acknowledge us, to make us feel as if we belong.  A week ago, I was desperate to get out of the house, it was one of my very rare kid free nights and a friend’s band was playing at a local pool hall.  I wanted to go.  BUT I did not want to go alone.  This is a predicament I am certain I am not alone in.  So I started calling, all my normal “dates” (my kids married moms) were busy especially with it being a work/school night, so I was stuck.  I finally did find a friend who was already going for other reasons and well, I invited myself along.  So step 1 – find someone to go with – check.

The night of, I get dressed.  My stomach was already in knots.  But I did it, I walked through the door of that club alone.  Ugh, that feeling was enough to make me want to turn around and walk right back out.  Eyes darting back and forth as I scanned the crowd for that welcoming smile, that eye catch that would make me feel like more than the deflated balloon that was starting to settle in.  Thank God for my friend’s parents who I didn’t even know were coming, were there.  They smiled and pulled me right in.

Needless to say, I did not last long.  I smiled, was introduced to a whole bunch of people and felt like turning to flee every few minutes.  Is it just me who feels so awkward in these types of situations? I mean, put me in front of a group of people to speak or out with my kids and I am good.  I am confident, the women in charge.  But put me in a social setting where I need to make small talk and meet strangers, where I really have no purpose and honestly, more often than not, you will find me leaving quickly and often with tears in my eyes.  Such a failure, an incompetent, unacceptable failure.

So how did we get like this?  And how do we overcome it? How do we break out of “Baby in the Corner,” not even to become the center of attention, but to become the confident, bright, and fully acceptable women that we truly are?